Skinny girls

as someone recovering from an eating disorder i hate when girls are skinny and say they eat whatever they want and never gain. while i'm trying to maintain normal, they're eating 3000 calories a day and not gaining.

'a watched pot never boils'
They never knew quite why it was true when they said it over many decades. Perspective, its all about perspective. 'time flies when you're having fun'. Sure time is fleeting when you need it. When you're waiting for your pot to boil, a minute is an hour. Life can pass by in a day and one hour can take a lifetime. Perspective. From my perspective at this very moment time is moving at a moderate pace. Yesterday it was dragging its heels like a child on the way to church. Time wanted me to wait, to move slowly. Time didn't want me to go see my friends. When i was with my friends, the clocks skipped an hour. And its all perspective. In the century-wide view, all time passes the same. A minute is only a minute, an hour only an hour, however to us lowly creatures any measure of time seems irrelevant (unless you have a meeting to go to). These measures and tics all seem so changing and fleeting. Time passes differently for every living thing. The moment before you're married takes a lifetime to pass. To an old man with nowhere to be and no worries, time is measured bt his own desires. To a businessman with everywhere to be all at once, time is the enemy. Everyone has their own perspective and if you change it slightly, time is irrelevant. Think about that.

I love bad movies i keep buying bad movies to watch. I am addicted to bad movies. I like the fake deaths and the ridiculous plots. The deaths are so fake. The blood is terrible and falling is bad. They flinch when they fall. Or they die then you see them breath. The best ones have an overly complicated plot where all kinds of things are going on at once i absolutely love that. It makes me happy. Although some of the ones with see-through plots are good too

I love b-rate horror films they are awesome. Crazy and funny films that are supposed to be scary. They really aren't. Its crazy. Who really thought this was a good film? Somebody wrote this thinking it was going to be great. Somebody thought they could make a movie with no budget and the public would find it great. These movies are the dollar movies at walmart an such, i love the plots and how complicated they are supposed to be. I see right through the plots most of the time.

College registration, permits, fees, transcripts, financial aid, stress. These are all things i am having trouble with. My life is so hectic. I can barely find time for a decent meal, much less time to workout. Bleh. I wish it were easier to find time or manage it because i have so much to do and i cannot get it all done. With class and social life and all the deadlines i need to meet, ugh, so much stress

Oh by the way, don't worry about me. My eating disorder is over, i am in counseling now. So don't worry about the 'cry for help' thing you think is going on. I see a therapist and i am healing. So this was not a cry for help it was an outburst over the stupidity of the people like i use to be. They hurt themselves and i wanna stop it. Cuz maybe i care too much.

Pro ana and mia sites. these websites encourage anorexia and bulimia. They show pictures of these bone thin people who they portray as beautiful. This is so hard to deal with for me. I use to look like that. I gave that up a long time ago. I eat now i have to stay normal. I eat and i keep it down. These sites make me so mad. I learned about them from a book i'm reading about eating disorders. People are so dumb. I really hope these people realize how stupid it is and how much harm they're doing. My throat still hurts every time a sneeze, cough, hiccup or anything. It is so torn up. Can you imagine coughing up blood with just a normal little cough? I have acid reflux, hmm i wonder why. Geez stop being so dumb. Sorry. I've gotten help. I'm better now. I realized how stupid it was. I just wish everyone could recover. Its a disease and there really is no cure.

Why are musicians considered artists? I was asked. well as a band kid i have an extremely biased view. Composers are the real artists though. They put their emotions into music, i believe anything you put emotions into is art. Therefore they are artists because they throw their emotions into something and put it out for the world to enjoy. That is why musicians are considered artists.

Why the christian faith is ridiculous: i mean to focus specifically on the idea of heaven, currently there are more than six billion people on earth, think of how many people have died throughout the history of the earth. Most of those people, according to christians, will go to heaven. According to the bible, the earth will become heaven. Well, think, do something most christians never do, think, the earth's inhabitable territories are already grossly overpopulated. How is every person that ever lived as a christian going to be on earth and comfortable and happy as heaven promises? Even if there is some cloud forest known as heaven, people could not all be happy because every generation didn't get along and would need to be kept separate but that too would make them unhappy. Don't feed me your bullcrap that your god is all-powerful.

creative careers

if i had to choose and creative career to go into i think it would have to be landscape design, at first this may not seem to be a creative field just let me explain. a landscape designer gets to design the layout of gardens and yards. i would arrange different plants to make a pleasent view and put decorative landscaping to make the yard beautiful, this would keep me outdoors and working with plants but would also keep my artistic side happy.

Zombies
zombie proof your property: at least a 40 acre plot of land is necessary for this strategie. The outer fence should be a 6 or 9 feet tall wooden privacy fence the wood should be at least 2 inches thick. Behind this fence should be those metal fenceposts, spaced every foot, and chain length fencing on those. Outside this fence should be decorative thorn trees and rosebushes. The gate that leads in should be a tall, sturdy metal gate with no openings. This should be secured shut by three huge vault style deadbolts, that require a passcode and key to open. 5 feet inside the fence is a set of motion detector equitment these should be placed every ten feet leaving no blind spot. If possible decorative ponds should be put around the property and stocked with fish. These ponds should be at least twenty to thirty feet deep in the middle. The ponds will serve as a water and food source when hunkering down when the worst happens. And they will leave less openings for your house to be attacked from. These ponds should be far enough away from the house to leave room for a 2 acre vegtable garden and at least 9 acres for the goats and chickens to graze in. The house should be on the highest point on the property. The house should be three stories high with no windows on the first floor and small windows on the 2nd floor. A panic room fully equipped with guns, ammo, food, and water to last three months per member of the household. I will continue this article next entry so be waiting.

silly questions

as you may or may not know this blog is for a class, graphic arts. i was asked a question in this class that i was to answer on my blog. well, here it is: "do you think traditional art is still neccessary?". as a theatre enthusiast and amateur thespian, of course i think traditional art is still neccessary. without drama and painting and writing, we wouldn't all have our way of expression. writing is neccessary for the advancement of reading skills and for better understanding of the human psyche. drama helps us have an emotional fix, whether stage acting like mine, or those silly midday soap operas. if we don't have an emotional release we would all be serial killers or crazed psychos.
painting may not be completely neccessary but i see my sister painting and think of how she could never express herself any other way and it would make her go insane without her art. so yes, art is neccessary for human life to be happy, happiness is every humans right to grasp for. emotional expression is what makes us inately human, otherwise we would just be chimpanzees.

Losing weight let's face it, it sucks. I would much rather eat real cake than rice cakes. But as a former bulimic, the thought of being overweight or even upper normal healthy weight scares me. So im trying to get abs again. But this time, no puking. Im ridiculous when it comes to my weight. Im 4' 8'' and weigh around 105. That isn't really skinny but its thin and, considering my muscle mass, very healthy. But i am starting to let some fat creep in. So i am starting to work out more. Dont take this as i am bulimic or anything i refuse to mess my body up any more than it already is. But anyway im trying to get my nice, female style abs back, not a creepy woman six-pack.

Being sick bleh. Didn't go to school today. People at school are texting me, shame shame. I have been coughing up stuff and it is very icky. I have recently discovered chewable fiber supplements, benefiber wild berry. It is delicious, i wish cough syrup could taste that good. Also the only cough drops we have are menthol which makes me sicker. So i cannot use cough drops so it stops hurting. Fml.

i love the lgbt community I went to gay prom last night and got home at 1am. I danced with a tranny and several gay guys. I love the LGBT community everybody is so supportive. I even got a phone number.

Having to wait an hour for appointments My appointment was at 10:30am it is now 11:30am and river valley has still not seen me all i need is a refill on a prescription but they must make me miss two class periods and lunch to get it now wonder she thinks i have irratic angry moods, making me wait an hour when i should be eating lunch or learning. That makes me so mad. I am not going to get to eat lunch now. I am skinny as it is i need my food to fuel my inner fat kid!!! Why must doctors have a better than thou attitude? If you need a psycologist never go to river valley.

People keep dissing my dreads. oh man i hear people talking i am not sure people understand that. It takes a lot of work to make dreads work. People think its gross and that i just let my hair mat into this. That is stupid because it takes a lot of effort to look like this. Oh and really i do wash my hair. Twice a week which is more than most guys and people with dry hair. Just because i am not black doesn't mean i cannot have nice looking dreads and look freaking great with them. At least i can dress myself without looking like a prostitute. Ugh skanks make me mad... And my dreads look great for their age, normally it takes six months to look good. I know the back looks flat, i sleep on my back so it gets messed up like any hairstyle would. Well that is all, peace.

Okay i give up on finding things i hate. So today i washed my dreadlocks and they smell aweful. As long as there is plenty of wax on them they don't smell bad but when i use my fragrance free residue free and non comodegenic shampoo, my dreadlocks smell aweful. Absolutely aweful. I caught a whiff of them and gagged. Anyway it doesn't matter i love my dreadlocks.

Zombies of you hate zombies also maybe you should think about joining ZASS. Wanna know what ZASS is? It stands for zombie apocolypse survival squad. Wanna know what we do? All of us train for the day when the dead rise and try to eat our flesh. We go on bi-weekly hiking trips at audubon park. We walk around 5 miles on every trip on hilly and muddy paths. We are going off path and setting up a survival scenario next trip. Also we encourage our members to strength train, get plenty of cardiovascular exercise in and eat healthy so they can fight off a zombie. Wanna join and get exclusive tips and info on ZASS events? Contact me or Carol for information. Or go look me up on twitter: random_phrase is my username. ZASS hopes to have a get together with our sister ZEST from brescia. Anyway if you are interested contact us and join

Bad acting we have been watching lifetime movies in my sociology class. Okay they aren't lifetime movies but close to it. All of them are about child abuse and its after effects. The acting is aweful. It is distracting from the plot of the movie and i can barely focus on horrors displayed in the film. Im not such a great thespian that i should criticize the actors but whoever cast them must have had his limited budget in mind, or only bad actors tried out and these were the least horrible